Tag Archives: depression

Pre-Spring storm & #50 Precious Words

Hey, everyone!  So sorry I’ve been mostly silent. I’ve been having quite a struggle with depression and tiredness and feeling overwhelmed with things going on.

Yesterday was a good day, though. In the morning my husband and I spent 1.5 hours with the man (family business) we’ve hired to build the cabinets for our new kitchen. In the afternoon he paid us a visit at our house to do final measurements and decision-making. It’s been a long complete renovation, started in summer last year, but it’s going to be so nice when completed. My husband did all the work in our remodel to this point, and has done a very fine job. Since November we’ve had our kitchen spread over, and stored in, several rooms in our house, so not an easy way to manage meals. We’re expecting that at the end of April our new cabinets will be installed, then we can get the countertop in place (a separate piece of workmanship to match our new floor – both done by our son-in-law) and have our new appliances delivered. Yes, it’s a major undertaking after 40 years of a tiny kitchen and dining area. Save and plan, plan and save.

This is exciting to me, too:






Today I want to show you the pretty results of a late winter/pre-spring snow storm that came upon us yesterday and last night. Apparently, many areas – including at my house – lost power and phone lines – but not here at my dad’s. The snow is very wet, so extra heavy, and as you can see in these first photos it weighed trees right down over roads. Some we could drive under but others were so low it meant driving around them and hoping to not meet vehicles coming the other way. Unfortunately, the best shots were blurred since we were moving and swerving (cautiously to get under).








The next 4 are of the view out my dad’s windows at 8:00 this morning. Snow is falling off the trees in big whomps! so when out there one does not want to be under the trees!














We had barely any snow left anywhere before yesterday. Winter’s last hurrah, we hope.

A final note: There is a writing challenge called #50 Precious Words in its second year and created by Vivian Kirkfield. Entry time is over now and the many brief stories are posted for your enjoyment and are being judged. One of my stories, simplified and changed, is posted near the end of the comments/stories. I expect nothing special to come from it in the form it’s in, but it’s there anyway. You can read all the stories HERE.

What’s going on in your life as we approach a new season? I’d love to hear about it.  ♥

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂



Let’s think SPRING, shall we?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had about enough of Winter. It’s time for disappearing snow, no ice, warm days, gentle breezes, birds pairing off and building nests, buds swelling on trees and flowering hedges, early flowers pushing through … oh my … yes! I want all that! How about you?

Let’s think SPRING, shall we? 

Usually Winter doesn’t get to me anymore, although I don’t like being cold; I can tolerate the season and enjoy its unique intense beauty, but this year it’s been pulling me down and sitting on me. And it’s been so constantly cold, way too snowy and icy, that I am just plain ready for Spring! Depression has weighed on me for many months; not so much that I can’t function at all, but enough that I have been low on energy and finding it hard to get and stay interested in anything. I would like to crawl into bed and stay there for … I don’t care how long. Apparently, I have a real thing … a low-grade depression that is enough to keep me in this lacklustre state of mental weariness where I’m wanting to do but lack motivation and energy to accomplish much at all. It’s exasperating, disappointing, and exhausting. I’ve lost my joie de vivre and I’m tired of being tired!

As a result of all that, just one thing that has suffered is my blog — for which I have felt twinges of guilt — and my reading and writing have been making next-to-no progress. I do apologize to you again, my dear reader, for not keeping up with posting here. I hope you will forgive my lack of enthusiasm and commitment and not quit on me.

We had a break in our weather for a few days, but now we are in the beginnings of the receiving end of a few more centimeters of snow. Do we need more? I THINK NOT! 

snow buntings on top of our hedge

This is a flurry of snow buntings, the whitest of winter birds. Do you know what they are sitting on? MY HEDGE! Yes, my hedge is under all that snow. I really am not pleased to see more snow coming down, even though it is pretty. Enough is enough, thank you.

To look ahead a little, today I have this link to share with you that I think will remind us all of the season we long to celebrate. (Or I do, anyway.) Maybe it will give you some new ideas for your gardens. Click on the red words here to see a list of flower names from A to Z. There are no images with the flower names, so we have to “Google” them to see what they look like or search in gardening books. I hope you enjoy the list, anyway.

How have you been surviving Winter? Do you have favourite flowers you can hardly wait to enjoy?

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂




The truth of it is …


You may have noticed I am not keeping to my blogging schedule very well of late. I have been trying to dig in and get to it, but it’s just not happening as easily.

The truth of it is …

I am getting more and more pulled down,

feeling as if I’m shutting down,


while at the same time I am trying to keep going.

So very tired.

I feel joyless .. although my joy comes from – and is – HIM (the Lord), I feel joyless ..

as if the music has left me (I rarely sing and I used to sing or hum aloud or in my head almost all the time)

and the light has turned to shadow.

I feel trapped and closed off and … emptying,

being drained of my spark.

My life is looking gray again … and that hasn’t been for a very long time.

I miss laughter …

real, deep-down, belly-aching laughter …

that comes from delight,



heart songs

and all that is beautiful.

So, the truth of it is, I am depressed. (The fact that I had a birthday Sunday had nothing to do with it, either.)

And yes, I know I mentioned it before, but this is not just going away and has instead been increasing. Even so, I have tried to not let it show and therefore most people likely wouldn’t realize it.

The positive thing is I am getting help from my naturopath and reflexologist. I am not going under, and they will help see to it that I don’t. If I find it too hard to manage until my next scheduled appointment I am to let them know. And I will. There is no way I am going back into the dark, tormented depths of despair I experienced several years ago. It’s been an uphill struggle sometimes to not fall back there, but I have come through and I will again. 

Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know I am trying. I am reading when I can get myself to do so, and right now I actually have two books on the go. I’m also still plodding along with PiBoIdMo, coming up with ideas for stories for picture books. Our challenge is to think up 30 ideas, one a day for all of November, but today (day 17) I added idea #24 to my list. So, you see, I am trying to keep my brain working through the sometimes foggy days, and the low mental energy, the fatigue, the sadness, the feelings of wanting to retreat into my hidey-hole/safe place.

It’s discouraging to not be able to do all I want to do, all I have committed to do, all I feel I should be doing. Add that into the struggle and it becomes even more difficult to pull out of it, so I’m having to remind myself to not listen to every negative thought.

This won’t last forever, thankfully.

In the meantime, I thank you for your patience and understanding.

With what do you struggle in your daily life? What do you tell yourself to keep positive?

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings! 🙂

Depression is depressing (saying goodbye to Robin Williams)


It’s been a week now since the shocking news of Robin Williams’ apparent suicide.  My first reaction when hearing of it was denial .. It can’t be true! Not Robin Williams.  When realizing it was not a mistake, contrary to conflicting reports being posted online, I went from denial to shock to sorrow to a level of depression.


Depression.  Anger and disappointment combined. That’s what it was for me.  In light of that along with some other things going on in my life it’s been a tough week during which I struggled to appear okay. Yes, I withdrew a little more; I tried to keep the emotion under control; I spent some time reading, tearily looking at YouTube clips about Robin Williams, but also listening to the music I enjoy to keep myself from going under.

What again was emphasized to me was the agony of soul a person experiences when in such depths of despair there is no way out to be found. It’s a lie, of course, but not to the blinded mind in the throes of it. What grieved me so much about Robin’s choice of remedy is many-faceted.

1. It was Robin Williams – the man whose crazy, spontaneous humour brought laughter and cheer; the brilliant quick mind that could respond to anything in half a moment while everyone else was still thinking up a reply.

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams

2. Robin’s pain was so deep that no one seemingly even suspected how severe it was. At least, not to the point they feared for his own actions nor did what they could to prevent it. How did they not know? Or maybe they did but couldn’t yet reach that deep.

3. If Robin could suffer so greatly without raising suspicion, how many others are in that same place of torment, also going unnoticed? Robin Williams’ act gave more proof that depression can happen to anyone. Anyone. Most successful suicides are unrecognized issues until it’s too late.

4. I worried if Robin Williams resorted to that decision for his end of life, how great an influence would that be to others in the despair of depression?

5. Personally, I know that kind of pain. I know those thoughts. Thankfully, I recognized the lie. I was so saddened that Robin didn’t pay attention to what he knew and even warned others against. His words linger on …

“Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.”

6. In that same week following Robin’s suicide, there were two others I heard about – one not far from the home of one of my daughters, the other my husband saw – while driving from one work location to another – shortly after the fact of its happening, emergency vehicles just arriving.

7.  No matter how bad it seems there is always a better choice. There is help in some form, help that will make each dark day easier to bear until the light is reached. No matter the anguish of soul suicide is not the answer.

8. There is hope, there is life after depression, there is reason to live, there are people who care. The affect a person’s death has on another is beyond description. And when that death is self-inflicted by choice there is no way to explain the guilt, the pain, the anger, the lasting impact the survivors suffer because of it.

I have been guilty of saying suicide is the cowardly way out. Not that the person was a coward, but that they lacked the strength to carry on the fight for life. Perhaps it is simply harsh desperation – unheeded, unheard, unrecognized. I believe it takes a lot of courage to stand against the warring voices in one’s head – the voice to give up versus the voice to hang in there – and choosing to live.

Suicide is not because someone wants to die. Suicide is an escape from the pain of living. And I firmly believe that suicide is not the end.

If you are toying with the idea of suicide — DON’T DO IT. PLEASE. Don’t give up. There is a saying, Don’t give up on the brink of a miracle. If I had given up I would have missed out on SO MUCH that God has for me. The impact would have been horrendous on my family. I know that now although it was extremely hard to see the truth of it then.

Depression. Is. Not. The. Answer.

Choose to live. Seek help. Talk to someone.

If you suspect someone in your life is struggling with harmful thoughts, if they’re despondent, sad, withdrawing, maybe using anger to keep people away … do your best to draw him/her out. Love them unconditionally. Do little things to show you care. Encourage them to get help. Pray for them.

But do not .. DO NOT .. feel guilty if you miss the signs.

I will miss Robin Williams, his manic crazy humour, his brilliance. There are four more movies (one is a voice-over) coming out that Robin starred in – two later this year, one in 2015, and one with no set date as yet. I’ll be watching for them.

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂




Feeling blue, & Emily Dickinson’s poem “I started early”

I lost last week.

Do you ever experience those segments of time when the hours seem to simply float on to nowhere leaving you behind, alone?

Do you ever feel that you cannot even get motivated enough to be progressive, or to even care whether you are or not?

Last week got away from me. I hate when that happens. Blue isn’t just a beautiful colour.


The up side is Spring is taking hold here now. The birds are singing and building nests, some already feeding their young. Buds are beginning to swell, although at my home on a higher landscape the snow is not completely gone. This week is expected to be rainy some days, so that will take the last of the snow away. Good, I say!

Now to the main topic of my post … Emily Elizabeth Dickinson (December 10, 1830 – May 15, 1886)

She was a melancholy person and became very reclusive. Are you familiar with any of Emily Dickinson’s poetry? I didn’t know much about her or her writing, but awhile ago I came across one of her poems and I liked it so much I thought perhaps you would enjoy it on You Tube. Please take your time and watch it/listen to it several times to take it all in. Check it out: Emily Dickinson’s I started early    

Y0u can read about her life here. It’s a very interesting article.

I used to write a lot of poetry, but haven’t written much the last many years except in an online challenge. For me, poetry seems to tap into a part of my being that nothing else can reach, and releases from my inner thought processes what nothing else seems able to do.

blue sparkles

How do you feel about poetry? Do you enjoy it? 

Which do you prefer – reading it or writing it? or do you enjoy equally reading and writing poetry?

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂

If you could do anything on your bucket list, it would be …

I posted this joke once before on this date, but at the risk of repeating myself … What is the only day of the year that is a command?

March Fourth!

It’s a play on words .. fourth/forth .. that is worth thinking about.

This being a forward day, is there anything on your bucket list that you would do, or begin, today if you could? You know .. that list of things you want to do sometime in your lifetime?

I still have not done so much that I have never had the courage to do but wanted to accomplish.  But — I am thinking perhaps I should tackle some of those in the next two years. And why not? Well, there are certainly drawbacks, hindrances, that will stand tall against my ability to do them, but there are a few I can work out, I think, some that are easier and less daunting.

Such as? you ask. Well, such as tandem sky-diving, going on vacation this summer and taking in Banff National Park, completing and submitting several manuscripts, getting back into photography in a more serious way. Those all sound like good things to start with, don’t you think?

I won’t even list the things that are less likely to happen and more of a ‘worry’ to me, although I started to write them down. (Okay, I’ll mention one .. learning to horseback ride, but my husband is deathly allergic to horse dander.) It’s probably better that I keep some other things to myself for now. Writing them down is almost a commitment.  Yikes!

Allowing fear and lack of confidence to take over one’s life can leave one with regret, disappointment, depression – which is probably anger turned inward because of regret and disappointment, and add to the fear and lack of confidence. It is such a waste of life to fall into those things. If you battle them let me encourage you to step out and away from them, one decision at a time. I am doing it little by little; you can, too. Life is so very short in light of eternity, why let it just slip away unchallenged in the things you have longed to do?

Now I ask you .. If you could do anything in your bucket list, what would it be? What in your lifetime do you really want to accomplish that will take extended effort and maybe mean overcoming some fear to get there? I am very interested in hearing about it; it would be encouraging to me.

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings! 🙂

Just write, keep moving forward. Also titled:I joined NaNoWriMo!

Last night I did it!  I joined NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month challenge that is scheduled for the whole month of November annually.  Then I discovered that there are over 500 people in Nova Scotia who have signed on, a few are in my area.

As I mentioned in my post of August 19 ’10, the challenge is to write 50,000 words, with NO editing until December 1 at the earliest.  Just write.  Keep writing … 1667 words a day will make it just over the goal.

I don’t know what I am going to write about in November.  Already I have been praying that God will bring something to mind by November 1 that will fit the bill.  If He doesn’t it could be quite nonsensical, which is totally acceptable as long as I’m writing .. something .. anything.  Just write, keep moving forward.

That sounds like the challenge of life, doesn’t it?  It is coming into the time of year when my body reacts to not enough sunshine, and depression threatens.  Keep moving forward.  Don’t let it stop you!  That is what I have had to take hold of and walk out.  It is a frame of mind, and when the mind is affected by not enough sunshine it just gets to feeling blah, which affects the body, and everything becomes harder to accomplish.  I need challenges, not overwhelming ones, but things that stimulate my mind and help me to keep going.  Depression is a horrible thing, I’ve lived through some miserably dark times in that state over the years.  The past two years have been much better than many before them, and I am determined to stay on top of it this winter too.  NaNoWriMo may prove to be one way to keep me going.

Do you plan to join NaNoWriMo this year?
Do you or someone you know suffer from depression?
Perhaps the writing challenge can make this winter’s dark hours more easily handled by getting you started on a novel.  Or … to help you just write and/or keep moving forward.

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂