Tag Archives: dreams

Yesterday I quit

The only place where dreams are impossible is in your own mind.  – Emalie

 

Yesterday I quit. I gave up. I told myself I can’t do this. I’m not a writer. I’m not even good at this.

I looked around me – at the writers I know – and told myself I am not like them. I don’t write, or even think about writing, the way they do.

You won’t find notebooks full of my writing; I keep most of my thoughts and ideas hidden away in my head and heart. That’s not a writer.

You won’t find my stories on your local bookstore shelves; they aren’t even set free for anyone to read. That’s not a writer.

You won’t find a blog with my ideas shared and out there for review; they are secreted away where no one can judge them. That’s not a writer.

You won’t find my drafts being discussed in a critique group; I don’t belong to a group. That’s not a writer.

So, yesterday I quit.

Then a friend told me it’s not that I’m not a writer, it’s that I don’t have opportunity to write. Well, yes and no. A writer would find opportunities regardless of how complicated life gets, or how tired her body is, or how overloaded her brain feels. A writer would not purposely keep her thoughts to herself, make excuses to not let it happen, fail to release some of that overload through setting her words free. No, that’s not a writer.

So, yesterday I gave up.

I told myself I am kidding myself. I am letting myself believe the impossible when the impossible is … IMPOSSIBLE! 

And then …. I wondered … what then will I do?! When I don’t have that dream, what do I have? And what of my binder full of ideas? My few picture book  manuscripts? my (still) almost completed first draft of my first young adult novel?

Then I thought … HMMMMM

I DO have pages and pages of ideas (for PBs), some just scraps of possibilities, some glimmers of hope, some silly shadows of something that could be … something – or not.

I DO have dreams of sharing my words and ideas – although that’s a scary thing to me – and finding someone eager to publish them because they believe in me.

I DO have the experience of being part of an online critique group for awhile where I shared a couple of my stories for suggestions, also scary for me.

In March I learned that I’m a shy writer. (Check out my review of The Shy Writer by C. Hope Clark.) And I sabotage myself by not allowing my words to find a life and be shared. I’m afraid of not being good enough. I’m afraid of maybe being good enough … and what then?

Maybe I am a writer. Yes, I do write. I’ve had to write in some way for most of my life, probably getting a real start as a troubled teenager full of angst, when expression came through the poetry that flowed from my heart. Since then I’ve captured many poems on paper over the years, most coming out of my faith.

Yes, I am a writer. I think it’s more that I was giving up on my dream. Perhaps it’s that I see it as a fruitless endeavour when what I have wanted for a very long time is to be a published author of children’s books – yet I haven’t taken myself there.

It helps to be rested. I don’t get quality sleep at my dad’s, and then when I’m home every other week I find it hard to settle into sleep. Yes, it helps to be rested. Discouragement feeds itself off one’s weariness. Quitting comes easier.

One dream I’ll share with you is this:  My mother (who is no longer with us) wrote a cute maritime story many years ago, one which would be a delightful picture book, and I know my dad would love to see it in print while he is still able to know. I almost paid (big bucks) to have it done, but … how I would love for a traditional publisher to see it and, of course, their wanting to publish it would be the most exciting thing ever. It would be a sweet memorial to my dear mum.

I am a writer. With a dream. A weary writer (weary everything I am) with a hope to improve. The daughter of a writer with a brilliant imagination who didn’t pursue her talent of writing in the way she would have liked. I want to go beyond that.

Yesterday I quit. I gave up.

Today I am trudging on.

Someday I may give up — But today is not that day.   –  anonymous

Any words of advice or anything to share regarding publishing or anything else?

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂

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Book Review: Dreamlander – by K. M. Weiland

DreamlanderBook: Dreamlander
Author: K. M. Weiland
Publisher: PenForASword
Date: January 14, 2014
Genre: epic fantasy
Pages: 546
Price: Kindle under $4; paper $12.96
My Rating: a fully engaging fantastical journey

 

Have you ever been so affected by a book it sticks with you for days after you’ve read the last page? Dreamlander by K.M. Weiland had that effect on me.

Have you ever wakened from a dream that seemed so real it felt as if you were really there? The residue of it stays with you? The memory of it keeps recurring?  Have you ever wondered which is more real – where you are or where you were in your dream?

Chris Redston’s recurring dream was sure to kill him if he didn’t hurry and wake up! Who was that woman warning him to not cross the worlds? Why was she so desperately trying to convince him to not come over? What a ridiculous dream! He felt as if he were losing his mind. Then he discovered the note taped to his window, the note warning him about his dreams; but he had told no one about them!

This story grabbed my interest from its very beginning and did not, would not, let me go. It’s filled with suspense, action, drama, believable emotion of the characters, danger, hope, battles, and so much more. The main character has to deal with his dysfunctional father’s problems by day and then at night … those crazy dreams. Then things get really complicated for him when he learns he is a Gifted who holds the balance of both worlds in his hands. He is drawn into the battle between good and evil – and the reader is taken on a fantastical journey.

K.M. Weiland created a parallel world with such detail and believability the reader is challenged to consider the possibilities. To say Dreamlander is a good read is an understatement. If any reader can set aside the tangible and get hold of the visuals presented by K.M. Weiland, there is an amazing adventure waiting to be enjoyed.

Dreamlander by K. M. Weiland is a BRAG Medallion winner and was a finalist for the 2014 National Indie Excellence Award in the Writing and Publishing category.

 You can find Dreamlander listed on my Buy The Book! page.

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings!  🙂

Are you living your dream?

When I was a little girl, my mother would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course, I wanted to be a singer or an actress or dancer, but most of all I wanted to be a mommy. And I used to tell my mother that when she got old I would take care of her.

Have I been able to live my dream? Well, you could say that I have. I had four little girls of my own, and when my dear mother was dying (only in her 70’s) I helped take care of her the last month of her life. Perhaps that was a love commitment more than a dream.

My childhood dream has not been my only one. I have had several over the years, as I’m sure you have. As we grow we learn new things and try our hand at them. I sewed clothes, made toys and crafts and quilts, tried sketching and painting, wrote poetry, and dreamed dreams. I took voice lessons but I’m shy and nervous about public singing. I dance but mostly when I worship the Lord in the privacy of my home. And the acting? Uhh, No. 🙂 But I keep returning to writing – ministry things, poems, stories, plays, songs, articles, blogging.

Again my dream is to be a writer and author of children’s books. Having accomplished NaNoWriMo, perhaps by sheer determination, then shouldn’t I be able to write a book for children, perfect it for publication, and stick with it until that happens?

But what do you do when life happens, when the time you had which didn’t seem to be enough is now split in half? How do you see those dreams fulfilled?

How do you choose what to sacrifice and what to push to the forefront?

It is a challenge in which, so far, I don’t feel I’m succeeding. With all the reading I try to do, my writing is taking a backseat. With the book reviews and author interviews I committed to, my newsletter publishing is delayed. But do you see the connections? In some way they are all to do with writing, so I haven’t completely left it behind, I just need to discover my balance. What I must do is trust the Lord to lead me in all of these things in my life. If I’m meant to continue them all then He will show me how.

Then there are the unexpected things that crowd in. I gave my piano to our oldest daughter who loves to play. She told me Tuesday that the movers will be here Thursday morning. That meant today’s time was devoted to rearranging things for the piano to be maneuvered around in order for the movers to get it up the stairs and out to their truck. This also means there will be more space for my stuff! 😉 Such as more books? Umm, maybe for all the fabric I have. (Yes, I love fabric too, which is intended to be listed for sale on my business website.)

Do I have too many irons in the fire? Too many interests and not enough focus? Too many ideas and not enough ‘stick-to-it-iveness’? Or maybe I dream too big? – forgetting I’m only one person and nobody else will be interested in my dreams – so I live a little of this one and a little of that one.

I don’t ever stop dreaming.

What about you? Are you a dreamer of dreams? Are you living your dreams? Or have you given up on them?

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings! 🙂

Use it or lose it

Have you ever wakened in the morning with a story idea in your head? Did you capture it right away or did you decide to wait and write it down when you’re more awake, sure you will remember it? How many times have you lost a great idea with not a clue as to what it was?

How many of your dreams have you known would make great stories, but as soon as you are fully out of that sleep the whole scenario has faded away never to return?

Muse departed.  Opportunity lost.

Paper and pen are by my bed for just that reason. There are times I have wakened very early, a poem or the beginning of a story in my head. I know I would not remember later what was in my mind. Just this morning as I was waking from a dream, I was thinking that it would make a nice story. When I closed my eyes again for just a few moments the vision started to fade, so I hastily jotted down what I could recall, some already lost. The ‘feelings’ around such things that come in that way quickly dissipate so that the opportunity has to be grabbed right then.

Now, how many tales have you made up and told to a child – maybe as a bedtime story, or at a time the child needs to be distracted or comforted? Or have you simply thought it all out in your mind for the fun of it? Did you write it down or did you not see its value? Or maybe you were driving, or in a place where you can’t write anything? A friend told me that she recently was in a public washroom when a story idea hit and … well … her idea escaped. That’s the thing about a creative’s mind … always busy, always dreaming, always thinking.

My dear mother was very creative. She used to tell me that many years before, when she lived with some cousins, she would help get the youngest one to bed each night. Her cousin loved for Mum to put her to bed because then she’d get a bedtime story, Mum making it up as she went along. Each night would be a continuation of the night before, and usually with humour in the story. Mum often told me that she wished she’d been able to write them down because they were such cute stories, but years later she couldn’t remember them.

For over thirty years Mum was a schoolteacher, and after her passing my sister came across a story Mum had written for a summer course she had taken many years before. I remember that she was so pleased about getting a good mark on that project. This story we have that she created is now in my care, Dad would love to see it published.

Recently joining a picture book critique group, I submitted her story for their viewing and frank opinions. The responses have been very positive, and I’m sure I have felt Mum’s pleasure with their comments and suggestions.

May I suggest to you …

When you come up with an idea, write it down. When your Muse visits, pay attention and take notes. Such ideas fade quickly, story details lose themselves in our busyness, whole stories are lost – maybe whole worlds.

So … what do you do about ideas that come when least expected? Are you always prepared to capture them or do you take a chance that you will remember?

Thanks for reading, and … Creative Musings! :)