My entry for Susanna Leonard Hill’s Valentiny Contest

It’s that time of year again! Valentine’s Day is coming up and Susanna Leonard Hill has issued her writing challenge. Here’s what she wrote on her blog:

write a Valentines story appropriate for children (children here defined as ages 12 and under) maximum 214 words in which someone is hopeful!  Your someone can hope for something good or something bad.  Your story can be poetry or prose, sweet, funny, surprising or anything in between, but it will only count for the contest if it includes someone hopeful (can be the main character but doesn’t have to be) and is 214 words (get it? 2/14 for Valentines Day 🙂  You can go under the word count but not over! (Title is not included in the word count.)

Judging criteria will include:

  1. Kid-appeal/Kid-friendliness – remember, this is a story for kids!
  2. Creativity in using hopefulness and success in making us feel the hopefulness!
  3. Valentine’s Day appropriateness – this is a VALENTINE story!
  4. Quality of story – we will look for basic story elements and a true story arc
  5. Quality of writing – use and flow of language, correctness of mechanics, excellence of rhyme and meter if you use it.
  6. Originality – surprise us with something new and different! 🙂

If YOU want to enter her contest there is still time if you are reading this before the cut off date. If you don’t want to enter, please go to her blog anyway and read all the stories. I think you’ll even have opportunity to vote.

Here is my attempt in 208 words, I hope you like it:

                                          A Hopeful Valentine

You don't enjoy my sticky hugs, but helped me catch some icky 
bugs,
And when my best cap blew away, you gave me yours to wear
today.

A bully pushed me to the ground, but quickly knew the grief he'd 
found;
Because I'm small you stood for me, you stared him down, he let 
me be.
You held my hand to cross the street, and bought for me an ice-
cream treat.

At home you said to go away, to find some other place to play.
It's not my fault your vase got trashed and all your smelly flowers 
smashed.

You hung a sign upon your door, YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE
ANYMORE!
"Don't touch my stuff! Leave me alone! And NO, you can't play on
my phone!
Don't bother me, you little pest! Stop bugging me, I need a rest!"

I'm sorry! do you want a kiss?, I hope you'll soon get over this, 
Because when I'm afraid at night, you welcome me and hug me 
tight.

When you calm down I have for you a card I made with sparkle 
glue.
It's not a mushy valentine, because you are already mine;
You're my big sis and I love you, and by the way, you need more 
glue.



Thanks for reading, and ... Creative Musings!  :)  ♥

80 thoughts on “My entry for Susanna Leonard Hill’s Valentiny Contest”

  4. I noticed that others mentioned this would make a great picture book. I was thinking the same thing as I read it. Your rhyme and rhythm are great, and that is not always so easy to accomplish.Gook Luck!

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  7. I couldn’t decide whether it was going to be an older sibling or trusty dog until closer to the end. Love it! That’s exactly how siblings can,act at times.

    Best of luck with your entry!

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  11. This is so well done, Lynn. You’ve captured the heart and the humor (oh my gosh, I love the last line…hilarious!) of a sibling relationship. And I ditto what the others have said…this is definitely a picture book!!!

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  16. Wonderful rhyming story! I wasn’t sure who was being so mean as I read along, but as the mother of two, it definitely rang true! Those sibling fights can be bad, and the younger one will still idolize the older! Great story – good luck!

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  20. What a beautiful story. I grinned from ear to ear as I read it! I especially like your ending “by the way you need more glue!” I laughed at that…haha such a sweet gesture on the little sister’s part but she used up all of big sis’s glue doing it! So clever.

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  30. This is so sweet, Lynn! The little sister’s voice comes through loud and clear, and your rhyme and meter is perfect! GOOD LUCK!!!!

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  31. Hi Lynn – love the last line … and by the way I’ve used your glue … but I still love you … congratulations – cheers Hilary

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  39. Such a cute story, Lynn! It so perfectly portrays the back-and-forth of sibling relationships. And I love that after making the valentine he ends with “you need more glue” – a little humor that shows it isn’t mushy 🙂 Nicely done!!! Thanks so much for joining in the contest fun!

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I look forward to reading your greatly appreciated comments. Thanks for making my day! :)

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